The First Night of Your Life
by Roo-san
Summary: ...The Last Night Of Mine. Kyoya's musings as he watches Tamaki's first dance with his new bride. Implied BL, unrequited love. Enjoy!


Hi, me again! I'm really sorry if anyone if waiting for an update on my Death Note fic, I had a really rough time in the middle of writing it, so I am reluctant to carry on ( yes, I know I'm a wimp...) Anyway, here is my first Ouran story! I have been meaning to write one for ages, and last night I got inspiration out of the blue, so this is the product of mad scribbling at about three in the morning! I hope you enjoy it, any comments or constructive criticism would be much appreciated – however pointless flames will be used to burn my History coursework. On with the show...

Summary: Kyoya musing as he watches Tamaki's first dance with his new bride Haruhi.

Warnings: implied BL, unrequited love

Disclaimer: no, of course I don't own it, if I did I wouldn't be writing _fan_ fiction, now would I? :D

I stood, alone as always, listening to the noise of the celebrations floating through the night. Brightly coloured lanterns hung from the trees, back lit by the waning moon. The twins were sat nearby, hands entwined in a comfortable silence, while Hunny, cradled safely in Mori's arms, squealed in delight. Then my eyes drifted to you, gliding effortlessly around the dance floor, holding your new wife in your arms. How happy you look – your smile lighting up the floor. A pure moment of perfect joyfulness; marred by the painful clenching of me heart. I should be happy for you – I am happy for you – but I can't help the feeling of jealousy and longing. I want o be the one in your arms, the one you press your lips to and whisper sweet nothings. But it was not to be. Instead, I stood beside you as your best man and watched one kiss take you from me forever. I saw your radiant smile as you became man and wife and, in a room full of people, felt lonelier than ever before.

Best man. A cruel honour. But how could I say no? How could I explain that the thought of standing at your side to witness your love for another made me feel a pain and desperation that I had no words for? How could I deny you, with your puppy dog eyes and heartfelt pleading that you couldn't get married without your best friend there?

That's all I am to you – a best friend. In the past, I thought you felt something for me. That maybe your affectionate touches, charming smiles and endearing nicknames could mean something more. I was wrong. I mistook your easiness around me for more than it was. I am unused to affection and care – my family is no more than a battle ground for my brothers and I to fight for the attentions of my father. We don't deal in hugs and kisses, but in bank balances and business deals. So, when you came into my life, I fell, and fell hard. You destroyed my icy façade with your warmth, breaching the defences around my heart before I even realised it was happening. I was powerless to stop it. The feelings you had awoken inside of me started to grow and steadily the focus of my existence changed. Instead of living my life through account books, I started to count my wealth as your happiness. For the first time in my life I understood what could motivate someone to do something for anything other than material gain. Love. Every time I saw your grin or heard your laugh warmth spread through me, there was a constriction in my chest. Then you would run and hug me, calling me by all those inane pet names that only you could get away with, and give me hope...false hope.

I became convinced, delusionally determined that I might have a chance in capturing your heart like you captured mine. That over the hundreds of girls that throw themselves at your feet, you might choose me. I hadn't even had the chance to confess my love for you before you announced your engagement. For once, I was glad of your interruption, I didn't have to suffer the pain of seeing your eyes fill with rejection, pity or disgust. I don't know how I had ever been so blind, looking back it is startlingly clear. All my fondest memories of you are tainted now – I realise it was her that made you smile, not me. I doubt if you even notice my presence, how I tried to make you happy. After all, I was always there – will always be there.

I have often wondered, late at night when I allow myself to take off my carefully constructed mask and lose myself in dreams of what might have been, if I ever did have a chance. If maybe, if I acted quicker, I could be the one you love above all others. If I had been more open with myself, accepting my feelings towards you instead of hiding, could I have succeeded? Could I be the one in your arms now, celebrating our love under a diamond studded sky, instead of watching as an outsider?

The raucous applause as your first dance ends brings me out of my reverie. I will never know how close I was to happiness, but my dreams must I and I must content myself with the knowledge that you are happy and well. I doubt I will ever find another love, someone to fill the gaping hole you have left behind. I will never stop loving you, no matter what. I will watch over you from the shadows, never letting you see the pain you cause me every time you say her name. Maybe, one day, when the pain has subsided into a dull ache and time has healed all but the deepest wounds, leaving only tender scars, I will tell you how I felt on the first night of your life, and the last night of mine.

So, there it was, the angsty by-product of tea fuelled insomnia, whining plot bunnies and stress... I hope you enjoyed it even a little bit! Please, please, please leave a review, even if it's just a few words? *insert puppy dog eyes here*

Love, Roo-san x

[BTW, any suggestion for a better title would be good, this one kinda sucks...]


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